Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
