Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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