Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
