How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
