How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
