I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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