I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
