i think my mom watched the whole time
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
