I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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