I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
