she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
