Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
