My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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