whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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