So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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