There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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