Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
