I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
