Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
