I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
