drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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