he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
