So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
