Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
