i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
