you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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