she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
