I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
