he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
