The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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