tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
