I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
