what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
