Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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