I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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