the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
