You smell like stripper and shame
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
