She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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