I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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