i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
