new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
