Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
