Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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