she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
