atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
