Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
