The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
