I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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