Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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