I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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