My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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