Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
