Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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