I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
