went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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