I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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